Wait a sec... what? You can't see??

Yep, it's true.  I'm legally blind.  That means my vision is worse than 20/200.  Explaining this always confuses me but I think the deal is this: what I see at 20 feet away, a normal person can see at 200 feet away.  It doesn't make any sense to me, though, because I can't see anything that is 20 feet away soooo... yeah.  If there's, like, an ophthalmologist or an OT or even just someone smarter than me reading this who wants to explain in the comments, please feel free!  

Most people are surprised when they first find out I'm blind and often relieved to know that I am not just a mean girl scowling at them with squinty eyes all the time (that happened!).  Besides the scowly, squinty face I do fake it pretty good.  I mean, I reeeeally fake it.  Here's a little secret, unless you write big in my birthday card, I just open it up, pretend to read it and then move on to the present.  I usually go back and read the card later with my zoomy device or my phone but yeah, in the moment?  Totally faking.  When people point stuff out to me a lot of times I just pretend to be able to see it.  As I write this I realize that kind of makes me the biggest poser around but honestly?  I get tired of saying, "I can't see that."  And having the other person go, "oh yeah."  Total conversation stopper right there.  Also, if I am with people I don't know well, it's just easier than going into a whole explanation.  I'm going to reframe and consider it to be due to my excellent acting skills and not that my pants are on fire 90% of the time!

My vision loss is due to macular degeneration, which you've probably heard of.  And the macular degeneration is due to a genetic condition called Stargardt's Disease, which you probably haven't heard of. Stargardt's affects like, 1 in a zillion or something like that (again, a smart person is welcome to correct in the comments).  I was first diagnosed as a young teenager, when my eye doctor spotted "white spots" at the back of my eyes and didn't know what they were.  I didn't understand at the time that this meant I was actually going to go blind.  I just knew that the ophthalmologist said I couldn't be a pilot, which didn't much matter to me because I wasn't going to be a pilot... I was going to be Anna Wintour.  Or maybe a lawyer.  And most certainly NOT a teacher.  My vision didn't start to change until I was in university and it has slowly been deteriorating ever since.

People always ask me, "so what do you see?"  It's hard to explain.  Basically there is a blind spot, sometimes it's black or grey but most of the time it's just super blurry, right in the middle of my field of vision.  And no, you can't replicate this by pointing at your eyes and trying to block out the centre of your vision... it's not the same.  So I still have my peripheral vision, which is great but peripheral vision can't see detail.  So what I'm left with is the shape and colour of things.  It's what makes me a really good friend because I'm always going to think you look great.   I can't see that zit on your face or that stain on your shirt!  It also means I'm not scared of bugs because I have no idea they are there (except spiders, I seem to have a sixth sense for those!).  And it's what makes me really good at ignoring the gross parts of my job.  If you can't see the boogers going into the mouth, you have no reason to gag!  Unless I hear the slurp... then it's barf city.

Which reminds me of my second most frequently asked question: "are your other senses heightened because you can't see?  The answer?  I have no idea.  I don't think I hear particularly well.  In fact, I actually have a theory that because I can't see people's lips moving, I have trouble making out what they are saying sometimes.  I don't think I smell or taste things any more strongly than anybody else but how would you even know that?  And it's not like I'm using my taste or smell to identify things that I can't see.  I'm not walking around going, hmmm...  I can't see what bus number this is so I'm just going to give it a lick and see if I can figure it out.  That said, my hilarious family has decided my sense of sarcasm is heightened due to my loss of vision.  

So that's the story and the reason behind needing the eSight Eyewear  If you are so inclined to help out please feel free to share this blog post on your Facebook or Twitter feeds.  And if you're really inclined and would like to prevent me from licking any more busses, please go click the donate now button at the top of the page to give a little bit of cash toward my big purchase!

Thanks for your support!! xo

Ok, so what's the deal here?

A few weeks ago I was watching TV and saw a commercial for these sexy glasses:

Whoa, I thought to myself, I bet I would look DAMN good in a pair of those bad boys!  So I promptly got on the phone and left a message with eSight Corporation inquiring how to get my hands on these babies.  Because what girl doesn't want to look like Lt. Cmdr. Geordi LaForge, am I right??

Ok, ok, so that's not quite how it happened.  What ACTUALLY caught my attention was the claim that this device gave vision to people who are legally blind, especially those with Stargardt's Disease (the eye condition I have).  I went to the website and watched a few testimonials of people who wear them and I was curious but skeptical.  I called the next day and talked to a really nice guy who, besides touting the virtues of the eyewear, told me that they cost $12950, which made them seem out of reach for me.  I was still curious, though. The company is based out of Ottawa and I happened to be planning a trip to visit my good buddy Meghan the first week of July, so we set up an apportionment.

I was still super skeptical and even considered cancelling my appointment because it was going to interfere with my Montreal time but convinced myself to just go and try them out.  So bright and early on a Thursday morning, Meghan graciously drove me to the complete opposite side of Ottawa from where she lives and dropped me off at a random building in an industrial park.  

Once I was inside, I met a lovely lady named Carolyn who did the usual "read the largest thing you can see" tests with me.  For which I did my usual best guessing, which was met by the usual silence and "good try!" that I have become accustomed to over the last decade or so.  (P.S.  I DO know that the first letter is a big E... this test was different, ok?!).  My vision tested out at around 20/400, which was not news to me.  Then I put on the sexy eyewear and tried again.  Carolyn kept zooming in and suggesting I try lines further and further down the chart.  I was thinking I was maybe reading 2 or 3 lines down and was still kind of underwhelmed.  Then she showed me on the chart what I could see with the glasses on.  It was the itty bitty, teeny tiny little letters waaaaaay down at the bottom of the chart.  With the glasses on my vision was corrected to 20/20!!  Then we did close up print.  Again, I could only read the biggest print and it had to be really close to my face.  I put the eyewear on and we did the same thing, zooming in and moving further and further down the page.  When I took them off I was reading at 20/32, which is, again, the itsy-est bits-est little print EVER.  Look!  I'll show you!!

My iPhone camera can't even make that clear!  We also did some tests of contrast and hooked the device up to the TV so I could watch that right in the device itself.  Both those tests were cool but what I was most excited about was being able to read!!  And see the clock!  I wanted to ask Carolyn if I could look at her face but I didn't want to creep her out.  We chatted for a few more minutes and by this time I was pretty emotional because holy crap, I could read!!  

I met up with Meghan outside and didn't shut up about it for quite awhile and she very kindly tolerated me saying the same things over and over again for the first half hour of our road trip!  I still wasn't sure what to do about the cost so I decided to just sit on the whole thing for a few days and enjoy my trip (by the way, please go visit Montreal if you8 can, it is AMAZING).  A few days later, I decided to set myself up with www.gofundme.com, posted it to my Facebook and with a couple minutes I already had a donation and the ball was rolling.  Four days later and here we are!  

If you enjoyed reading this and you think this might be something you'd like to support, please click the donate now link at the top of the page or share  my blog on Facebook.  I have already felt so much generosity and love from people, including strangers, who have given gifts of money and kind words!!

Thanks to all of you!! xo